this year, for the first time, i decided it was most appropriate to honor my mom on my thirtieth birthday.
i wanted her to know that i value this day and that it would not exist if it wasn't for her.
i gifted her beautiful flowers and a small gift (which didn't come in the mail on time and i had to print out a picture of it! ugh, usps!)
below is the poem and the thoughts i shared with her.
Mama, I wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t for you.
I wouldn’t have breath if you didn’t push to what probably felt like your death.
I wouldn’t know kisses and wouldn’t know love if you didn’t share what you received from your God above.
I wouldn’t know Mexican waters, vacations and fun if you decided to always stay away from the sun.
I wouldn’t know style, accessories and décor if you simply didn’t care what you wore.
I wouldn’t have a job or an education if you thought I would do well serving at a gas station.
I wouldn’t know the value of a dollar if you always gave me whatever my heart desired.
I wouldn’t know marriage and how to stay strong if it wasn’t for you and dad’s love to stay together this long.
I wouldn’t know God if it wasn’t for you and all the things I’ve mentioned would always seem too few.
Mama, today, I’m 30. I don’t even know what that means.
But lets all just be real and say that, “if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be me.”
I want to thank you for bringing me into this world. Thank you for carrying me, nurturing me and doing what you knew was best for me. I value that you wanted a better life for your family and decided to take so many risks and move to somewhere unknown and unfamiliar – because of that we are all so blessed. I know that every baby and child is different and difficult in their own way and I’m thankful that even though I cried, and didn’t eat, and didn’t let you sleep, and didn’t grow girly hair until I was four you still decided I was someone to take joy in. Thank you for being so strong during that difficult time of the car accident. We don’t why it happened but I do know that God took that situation of doom and death and perfected, sculpted and refined us both to something we were not before. I think we all, as a family, grew so much during those times and that year and I thank you for never blaming me or faulting me.
I understand now, because I’m married, that the greatest gift you could give your children is a good, healthy and God-centered marriage. I appreciate today that I have a great example to look up to. It’s not something you sat down and explained to me or forced me into; but living for God and serving and honoring God with your life was the biggest life lesson for me. And today, I have an amazing husband that I know is here purely from both your prayers. I know that we are where we are in our life because your sole desire was for me to have a Godly life. I thank you for that.
From you I have learned that: it’s not wise to share my clothes with friends (they hardly ever come back the same, if they even come back!) I should always bring a small gift if I am going to someone’s house. Dinner does not always need to have 20 sides and desserts – Dad taught me that bread with marmoladka (jam) and sour cream equals dessert. My purse should match my shoes – I don’t know if I agree with that one! When I didn’t know what to do about a boy, you told me to pray. Presentation of the food is just as important. The two big “M’s” are Marshalls and Macy’s.
Through you, I know God. And out of everything I could thank you for today – the biggest thanks is for raising me in a family and in a home that honors, believes and serves God – because still today, above life, above husbands, and houses and things, my biggest desire is to love and serve the only God I know. I will take that example more than any other and do my best to give it to our children one day too.
thank you friends for all the birthday wishes.
for those of you who are not yet thirty and wonder what it's like...well, so far, it feels just like my 20's!